The Child Effect
by Josain Chennuth
Summary: Uma never wanted kids, but watching the Smee Twins beat Harry with foam swords might just change her mind...


Uma knew not by what power, but she could _not_ stop watching.

The esteemed captain of the Lost Revenge sat upon the stairs leading to the upper deck of her ship, which was still in pieces after her most recent run-in with Mal over the trident. All the members of her crew had been hard at work since then, and Uma was very pleased with how quickly her ship was coming together. With a ship and a crew this diligent, freedom seemed more imminent than ever.

Of course, she wasn't going to run her crew into the ground needlessly. No, she knew that to be a respected captain, she needed to be a reasonable captain, so she gave her crew breaks during work and sometimes even whole days off. Today was one of those days where the crew had the day to themselves. For some, that meant causing trouble around the island, going home to a decent family (if they had one), or just hanging out about the Wharf, resting their sore muscles for future labor.

As for Uma, it was Sunday, so she didn't have to work at her mother's restaurant. She decided to spend her free time on her ship, and Harry, who pretty much followed her everywhere, decided to do the same.

Another thing to note is the storm caused by Uma and Mal's magical face-off didn't wreck just the Lost Revenge. Many other boats and ships around Isle had been capsized or flooded or seriously damaged by the resulting stormy waves. On this day that the Lost Revenge crew was taking a break, the Jolly Roger crew was bailing out their ship. All hands were on deck, and that included poor old Mr. Smee, who had young children he needed to look after. Lucky for the old Englishman, there was someone who was willing to look after his twin boys, a charity from one first mate to another.

With Uma's permission, Harry agreed to babysit Squeaky and Squirmy–excuse me, Skipper and Sterling–on the Lost Revenge while Smee worked on the Jolly Roger, and, as aforementioned, Uma could _not_ look away.

She had no idea how long this had been going on. From the second Smee dropped off his twin sons, all they wanted to do was play, and Harry seemed more than willing to entertain them, whether it was some elaborate game of tag, hide-and-go-seek, or just straight rough-housing.

Uma remained where she sat, cleaning her switchblade for what felt like hours. She'd flip it open, spit on the blade, and while she slowly wiped the surface with a torn hand towel, she would steal glances at whatever the boys were doing. It brought a warm sensation to the cold captain's chest, seeing the two kids wrestling the man-child she called a friend to the ground. She knew Harry didn't have the happiest upbringing, but watching him give the Smee Twins even a glimmer of the life he wished he had made Uma feel proud of him. Even as a bloodthirsty pirate, he knew no child deserved this lonely, miserable life they were cursed with.

"Argh!" Harry exclaimed as he dragged his feet about the deck, an exaggerated expression of pain on his face. The Smee Twins clung to his shoulders with their feet swinging a solid meter above the ground. "Ye wicked pirates! I was never a match for villains as terrible as yooou!"

Uma had to stifle a laugh as he dramatically hit the ground with a ridiculous groan, making sure to sell the act as a defeated nemesis to the twins.

"Die, hero, die!" shouted Sterling as he whacked Harry's back with a foam sword (Harry found a couple torn foam swords in the garbage barge, patched them up with duct tape, and now they were the Twins' favorite toys).

"Face the wrath of me hook!" declared Skipper in an amusing attempt to mimic Harry's accent. He brandished a bent spoon in the air with a maniacal laugh before bringing it down on the back of Harry's neck and swiftly pulling it back, making a slashing noise with his mouth.

"Ah no!" Harry cried, flinging his arms against the deck. "Ye've hooked me!" Then, he flopped his face against the deck, eyes closed and tongue hanging out of his mouth. Any rational person would simply look at his back and see that it was still rising and falling with every heavy breath. He obviously wasn't dead, but the Smee Twins sure seemed to believe so in their role play.

"We've conquered the mighty hero!" Skipper cheered, putting a foot on Harry's back triumphantly.

"We're the greatest pirates who ever lived!" Sterling added with just as much enthusiasm.

From his place beneath the seven-year-olds, Harry chanced to open his eyes without the twins seeing. He looked at where Uma sat and flicked his brows in jest. Uma rolled her eyes in response but chuckled nonetheless. Then, Harry winked and closed his eyes again. Uma finally put her knife down and put her full attention on Harry. He _clearly_ wanted it. It wasn't like she was secretly interested or anything.

"BLAH!" Harry shouted, pushing himself onto his knees. The Smee Twins screamed at the spontaneous revival of their opponent, who went on in his boastful brogue. "Ah ha! Through the power of chivalry and goodness, I have survived my fatal wounds! Prepare to–OOF!"

Sterling ran head-first into Harry's gut and tackled him to the ground, effectively knocking the breath out of him in the process. Skipper joined his brother as they pinned Harry against the planks with fierce battle cries, swinging their foam swords all about. Uma laughed at first, but then she noticed that Harry's movements were starting to get sluggish and less deliberate. She stood up and decided to step in.

"Okay, okay," Uma called the twins' attention in a commanding tone, crossing her arms over her chest. The blond boys looked up at her and immediately ceased all noise. Uma was briefly struck speechless by how effortlessly adorable they looked, almost at sea pony level. She shook the thought from her head and suggested, "Why don't you guys take a break? Give the 'hero' some time to recover, alright?"

Harry looked up at her with a thankful expression, one hand over his stomach as he slowly regained his breath. The twins shrugged and ran off without a fuss, leaving Uma with Harry. She offered her hand to him, and Harry graciously took it. With a combined effort, they pulled Harry to his feet.

"Having fun?" Uma asked with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, plenty," he bragged between heavy pants. His skin gleamed with sweat, and Uma could inhale his foresty musk standing this close. Though she would never admit it, something about it always made her feel safe

"Must be why you're breathing so hard," Uma teased.

"Are ye making fun of my stamina?" Harry accused, and Uma only shrugged in response. "I'll have ye know that I can last for hours if I wanted to."

"I'm sure you can," Uma agreed, though part of her started interpreting his words differently.

 _Wait, what?_

"Auntie Uma!" Uma was snapped out of her spiraling thoughts when the twins called out to her. They were holding a giant length of rope that they'd found around the ship, and they each had their own eager smile plastered onto their face.

"Will you please teach us how to tie a hostage?" Sterling begged.

"Pleeeeeeease?" Skipper added, his voice pleadingly high pitched.

"Uh…" Uma muttered, glancing at Harry for help. He got the message and promptly offered assistance.

"Come on lads, the captain said to take a break," Harry reminded them in an even voice, wildly different from what he used when he was playing with them. "She can show ye some other time."

"But Uncle Harry!" they whined in unison, drawing out his name for as long as they could.

"Ah ah ah," Harry tutted with a reprimanding way of his finger. "Who is in charge of a ship?"

Skipper and Sterling hung their heads shamefully at Harry's admonishing tone. The eventually answered, "The captain."

"And who is the captain of this ship?" Harry asked, emphasizing the syllables and wrapping an arm around Uma's shoulders. The heart of the captain in question starting thumping rapidly against her chest, and she had no idea why. It wasn't like Harry's never been this close before. Maybe it was how he was stern yet effective in chastising the boys without even the slightest bit of aggression. Something about it seemed to make his blue eyes prettier and his jawline even sharper.

"Uma…" the boys mumbled together.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Harry inquired, narrowing his eyes at them with a sly smirk.

"Uma!" they exclaimed, finishing with a brief fit of giggles. Uma rolled her eyes at Harry's antics, though she secretly appreciated hearing her name cheered every now and then.

"Right," Harry said once they settled down. "So if Uma says to take a break…"

"We take a break!" the twins whooped enthusiastically before running off again, this time heading below deck to ensure that they were completely out of the captain's way. Uma was thankful that Harry managed to quiet them down, for the past few weeks of work had taken their toll on her as well. However, she found a certain level of unease being left alone with Harry in this particular instance. The way he conducted himself around children was so undeniably… _alluring._

"Quite the rowdy pair, aren't they?" Harry wondered aloud, walking over to the railing where his jacket and hook sat beside a small canteen. Uma missed the feeling of him standing so close, so she followed him to the railing and leaned her elbow against the wood. Harry picked up his canteen and started chugging greedily from the spout. Water streamed down his chin and dropped onto his shirt, and Uma's knees went weak.

 _What the hell is happening?_

"It's weird to think you used to dread hanging out with them," Uma noted, trying to keep her focus on the conversation and not the way his arms flexed and unflexed as he stretched them out, his muscles accentuated by the low light of the Isle. "Now you're almost like a big brother to them."

"Nah, they just like me 'cause I let them beat me up," Harry laughed dismissively. "Plus, they already have Sammy."

"C'mon Harry, they look up to you," Uma insisted, biting her lip. "You're really good with them."

Harry hung his head sheepishly at Uma's compliment, his already-red face turning even redder. To anyone else, Harry might deny his close relationship with the Smee Twins, but Uma knew how much he loved the admiration those boys constantly showered him with. Still, Harry didn't like to admit to it often.

"And what about you, eh?" Harry mentioned, leaning an elbow on the railing to match Uma's posture. She quirked an eyebrow curiously at his knowing smile. "I see ye lookin' after them when they're around or sneakin' them meal's from yer mother's shop."

"And what of it?" Uma dared, leaning a little closer. They still had some distance between them, but Uma suddenly longed to be right next to him again, fully enclosed in the scent of pine wood and evergreen.

"Yer obviously rather fond of 'em," Harry claimed, and Uma rolled her eyes, though a small smile betrayed her and confirmed Harry's suspicion. "And they're fond of ye, too. Yer like the mother they never had."

Uma's smile faltered, and her voice seemed to fail her in the moment. She didn't know much about Mrs. Smee since she was only ten when the wife of Hook's first mate passed away, but Uma did know that she died giving birth to Skipper and Sterling. Uma only ever lived with her mom, but Ursula was hardly a 'mother' in every meaning of the word besides biological. Uma never knew that motherly love, but according to Harry, she seemed to manifest it naturally.

"I'm not sure about that," Uma chuckled half-heartedly, hoping that if she acted indifferent her face would cool down and her stomach would stop filling with butterflies. "I'm just tired of seeing kids starving in the streets, ya know."

"Well, it's obvious they adore ye, Uma," Harry avowed, using one hand to comb back his matted bangs and somehow managing to make his unruly hair wild yet perfect at the same time. "Yer gonna make a great mother one day.

"You…you really think so?" Uma beamed, self-consciously tucking a stray braid behind her ear.

"I know so," he replied with finality, holding her steady gaze with his determined one. Uma was the first to look away, finding the waves over the edge of her ship the less unnerving thing to watch while she repeated Harry's words in her head. If anyone asked Uma, she'd tell them she never wanted kids. She swore that she would never put a poor, innocent life on this water-bound prison when they didn't even have a choice in their place of birth, unlike her own mother, who was perfectly content birthing a kid and putting her through hell before she could talk. Uma could never stomach putting a child through this torture, but now that her escape seemed to be slowly creeping within her grasp, Uma could afford to rethink her decision.

However, there were technicalities she would have to get around. She knew nothing of childcare, and her mother had clearly set no proper example. There was probably a lot of work to go into the actual birthing process, and Uma didn't know if any professionals in Auradon would help a villain. And first and foremost, there was the matter of the birds and the bees. If Uma wanted to have a child, she'd have to rope a father in somehow.

 _Now, who the hell would that be?_

"Ahoy!" called a pleasantly rough voice from the other side of the ship. Uma turned around to see that one Mr. Smee was crossing the bridge and waiting patiently at the entrance to the ship. "Permission to come aboard, Cap'in?"

"Permission granted," Uma replied with a warm smile at the old man. Smee was one of those people who only ended up on the Isle because he followed a villain. He wasn't actually evil himself. Even though Uma aspired to be just a rotten as any big name evil-doer, she took great pleasure in knowing that not every person who does bad things is a true villain. "I'll go get the boys," she stated, leaving the railing and Harry's side to head below deck. However, as she walked to the door and eventually closed it behind her, she heard the beginnings of a conversation, and her curiosity got the better of her. She pressed her ear against the door and listened to their exchange.

"How's the Jolly Roger lookin', Smee?" Harry asked though he didn't sound like he actually cared. It sounded like meaningless small talk.

"She's looking quite alright, dear boy," Smee croaked, his age evident in his voice. "We managed to get most of the water out, that we did."

"Good to hear," Harry replied monotonously. Uma could hear his set jaw in his tone.

"Listen, Harrison," Smee began in a nervous voice. "Your father wanted me to tell ye he wishes ye'd come back to the ship. He thinks it'd be better for ye."

"Ye can tell my father that I wouldn't go back for every treasure chest on this damned planet," Harry spat back without hesitation. Uma knew he wasn't mad at Smee; he was mad at his father and always would be. There's only so much trauma one kid can handle before they completely cut ties with their parent. "I've found my own ship and my own crew, and I have a captain that I would happily follow to Hell if I needed to."

A small smile graced Uma's lips at Harry's declaration. She knew he was _that_ loyal to her, but hearing him say it to other people reminded her just how steadfast he was. As a captain, Uma's crew counted on her to take care of them in exchange for their service, but nobody knew who took care of her. That's where her first mate came in. Uma counted on Harry when she was at her lowest points to ensure she was well and make sure the crew stayed in line. The first mate was the first follower and second leader, and as a truly devoted friend and a natural leader when called upon, Harry was a perfect first mate.

While Uma started down the hall, her hands folded behind her as she searched the various cabins for the Smees, her mind seemed to merge her two most recent subjects of thought: Harry and children. She recalled watching Harry try to stand up with Sterling hanging from his shoulder and Skipper clinging to his knee, and now she was curious as to whether or not Harry ever wanted to be a father.

Others might shudder at the idea. Harry Hook as a father? What a scary thought! "He'd be just as awful as his own father," they'd say, but those ignorant assholes didn't know Harry as Uma did. They didn't know the young man who helped Uma with the dishes at the Chip Shoppe without needing to be asked. They didn't know the friend who always tried to cheer Uma up whenever her mind lingered too long on the hopelessness of their situation. They didn't know the pirate who fiercely protected what was his. Most of all, they didn't know the boy who sat alone with Uma at the foot of her bed in the late hours of the night, telling and retelling old pirate tales by the candlelight while Uma leaned into his side and pulled their shared blanket further around her shoulders.

Yeah, they didn't know Harry Hook like she did, and she knew he could be a great father.

Uma turned a corner into her own cabin to find one of her drawers wide open with the contents spilled onto the floor. She stepped further inside to find a tragically hilarious sight.

"Auntie Uma, what's this for?" Sterling asked, holding up a purple brassiere in his unusually twitchy hands. His brother was admiring himself in the mirror with a black lacy one tied around his head. As much as Uma wanted to be angry or embarrassed, she just stared wide-eyed at the young boys and tried desperately not to laugh.

"I'll tell you when you're older," she said quickly, managing to keep a straight face with the exception of a small grin. "Put those back and come with me. Your father's here."

After the Smee Twins put those confusing new contraptions back in Uma's drawer, they sped down the hall to the main deck. Uma followed them at a leisurely pace and eventually made it outside in time to see the two boys encase their father in a big hug.

"Daddy!" they exclaimed in their high pitch voices.

"Can we come back tomorrow?" Sterling begged his father.

"Pleeeeease?" Skipper added, his voice cracking several times.

"Well, that's up to Miss Uma," Smee noted, looking up at Uma with an inquiring look. The twins looked up at her and stuck out their bottom lips. As much as Uma wanted to give into their puppy eyes, she had her own responsibilities to worry about.

"I can't tomorrow," she lamented apologetically. "I'm working from sunrise to sunset at Ursula's Fish and Chips."

"I understand," Smee nodded, but the boys didn't put their pouts away. They looked down at their rubber rain boots with crestfallen expressions, and Uma considered cutting work just to let them come back tomorrow.

"I'll watch 'em," Harry volunteered, picking now as the time to re-enter the conversation. Uma glanced back at him as he used the bottom of his tank top to wipe the sweat off his face, putting his torso in full view. Uma caught herself staring at his impressive physique for longer the necessary, and only continued to stare at the railing with eyes wide as saucers after he'd moved to stand beside her. That's when everything finally clicked in her head. Why watching Harry with the twins was so satisfying, why his commanding yet fair behavior gave him the lure of Eros, why his small point about her being a good mother meant so much to her…

 _Harry_ was her ideal partner for making a baby.

How had she not noticed this before? And why was she not absolutely mortified? He was her best friend! She thought she'd feel weird or awkward, but now she only felt a thrill of anticipation and a sense of fulfillment every time she imagined her kids having those same dazzling blue eyes.

"I'm not all that busy tomorrow," Harry told Smee, oblivious to Uma's personal breakthrough happening right next to him. "Ye can drop 'em off at the Chip Shoppe. I'll keep an eye on 'em there."

"Oh, thank you very much, Harrison," Smee said graciously with a slight bow in his posture. Skipper and Sterling jumped up and cheered in celebration, pumping their fists in excitement before rushing at Harry and giving them the same hug they gave their father, smooshing themselves tightly against Harry's middle.

Harry ruffled their hair playfully with a spirited smile on his face–which almost made Uma pounce on him then and there because, _Gods, it was so cute!_ –before exchanging quick farewells. Once they backed away from the older boy, Harry crouched down to their height and reminded them, "Now lads, ye can't leave the ship without salutin' the captain."

The twins worked fast, hastily facing Uma and throwing their right hands stiffly against their foreheads. They held their breath to suck in their guts and puff out their chests, and Uma's 'cold-hearted' facade finally broke.

"C'mere, you guys," she practically gushed, bending forward to take them both in a big embrace. Skipper and Sterling eagerly responded, returning her hug with a big squeeze. When they parted, Uma couldn't help the smile spreading into her cheeks. Perhaps she really did want children, and all it took was watching two seven-year-olds beat Harry with foam swords to realize it.

"See ya tomorrow!" they exclaimed happily as they stepped off the ship with their father (Uma will never understand how they managed to say so many things simultaneously). She watched them go until they had made it across the bridge and onto the dock. Then, she turned to find Harry had already gone back to the railing. Uma was rendered paralyzed when he took off his shirt, poured the remaining water from his canteen onto his head, and used his balled up tank top to mop up the excess mixture of water and sweat from his face and chest.

 _I swear, he's doing this on purpose,_ Uma thought vengefully. It wasn't like she hadn't seen him shirtless before. Her mind was just in a different place right now, and that place made her mouth dry and her heart race. Her jacket started to feel heavy and uncomfortable. The Isle was always overcast, and a gentle sea breeze chilled her skin, but Uma was starting to feel _really_ hot.

 _My turn._

"Those wee rascals sure put up a good fight!" Harry applauded, leaning one hand onto the railing and looking out to where the twins left with Mr. Smee. Uma crossed over to the railing as he pointed out, "They'll make fine pirates one day."

"Yeah," Uma agreed absent-mindedly. Her body seemed to act independently from her brain. She approached him and immediately pressed herself against his side, one hand trailing up from his side, across his abdomen, and up to his chest. She kept her eyes on his face to gauge his reaction, but nothing changed. Then again, they did have a rather intimate friendship. She could probably stroke his cheek in the middle of an argument and neither would think it was completely out of the ordinary.

"Hey Harry," she said, her tone light.

"Hm?" he hummed in response, still looking straight ahead of him and paying no mind to the way his friend was glued to his side. Uma decided she missed his mesmerizing eyes and finger-stepped her hand up his chest and neck to his chin, where she used one finger to guide his face mere inches away from hers.

"What if I told you I wanted something?" Uma conjectured, feigning innocence like her question had no underlying meaning. Harry's eyes instinctively flickered downward, so Uma figured he caught onto at least part of the idea.

"If ye want something," Harry whispered, his low brogue sending a chill down Uma's spine. He brought his hand up to Uma's and clasped her small hand in his warm one. "All ye need to do is say the word, and I will stop at nothing to make sure ye have it."

He pulled her hand to his lips and softly kissed her knuckles, his eyes lingering on hers for a few moments longer before they closed. His brow furrowed in concentration as he continued to worship the skin of her hand, leaving no finger untouched by his reverent lips. Uma let him indulge for the moment, taking the chance to enjoy his outward devotion as it came.

"No matter what it is?" Uma checked with a quirk of her eyebrow. She understood his loyalty was unwavering, but what she was asking was big, and she wouldn't ask it of just anyone.

Harry lifted his head from her hand and bit his lip, which definitely caught Uma's attention. "Whatever it is that ye desire, my queen," he breathed out, his accent heavy. Uma smirked at the title he used for special occasions. He pressed Uma's hand back to his chest, over his beating heart. "I swear it on my soul, I'll make it happen meself if I have to."

Finding his whispered oath met her satisfaction, Uma stood up on her toes and leaned close to his ear. Harry thought he knew this to be their ordinary game of question-and-rejection. He didn't always have to be the one to initiate it. Sometimes, Uma would flirt with him out of nowhere only to shoot him down when he flirted back, but he was okay with it. Whatever it took to bring a smile to his best friend's beautiful face.

That's why what Uma said totally caught him off guard.

"When we get off the Isle," she divulged softly, her bottom lip brushing against his ear. "I want kids."

Harry froze. He was _not_ expecting that. He didn't know how to react. Could this be considered an answer to his constant attempts at winning her heart? They weren't exactly off the Isle, but she was asking that, when they do escape, he would… _wow._

Uma pulled away from his ear, gave his bare chest a light pat, and shot him a coy wink. Before she turned away to head back to her quarters, she added mischievously, "Make it happen."

Harry watched her leave with rapt attention, her whispered demand bouncing off the walls of his brain until a cat-like grin stretched across his face. With a subtle snicker, Harry picked up his jacket and hook before making a beeline to the door that just shut behind Uma seconds before.

After all, he pretty much followed her everywhere.

* * *

 **This chapter was inspired by an old youtube video made by Superwoman. It's basically this idea that seeing a guy with a child is apparently really sexy, and you know what, I just couldn't waste a perfectly good Huma scenario. I hope you all enjoyed this one-shot! Let me know what y'all thought in the reviews, and I wish you all a lovely day! -Jojo, who now has to sleep with a giant swordfish pillow for medical reasons.**


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